How To Build Your Self Esteem
There are many cases of illness, personal challenge or life difficulty where building or rebuilding your self esteem is an essential part of your healing process.
The five cases that come to mind for me include:
- Any chronic illness where the sufferer has been sick for years
- Physical or mental/emotional abuse
- Job Loss
Cancer patients need to build their self esteem because they need to connect with why it’s so important that they make it through their often grueling treatment program.
I have worked with clients who have been sick either for years or, in a few cases, for literally their entire lives. In such instances, these people have become marginalized by society and they have lost their sense of meaning, one of the three most important ways to be happy in life.
When a person has been physically or mentally/emotionally abused, their aura and energetic boundaries have quite literally been shattered. As part of their rebuilding process, I find it helpful for them to re-learn what is so special about themselves so that they regain their ego identity.
Because divorce is so often interpreted as a personal failure- even when the person chooses to take the healthy step of leaving a very damaging relationship – part of the healing process to rebuild afterwards must include rediscovering self esteem.
Like divorce, job loss is usually felt as a personal failure accompanied by not just the loss of half a person’s net worth but all their income. Because so many people equate their personal worth with their net worth, rebuilding self esteem is an essential step towards finding a new job or a better way of life.
You may be able to think of many other cases where connecting with your self esteem may strengthen you. Maybe you never had good self esteem to begin with and would like to learn how to have a better opinion of yourself.
If you are unsure whether or not you have good self esteem, just look at two things:
- How you treat yourself.
- How other people treat you, which is a direct reflection of your opinion of yourself, as no one can insult you or treat you badly without your conscious or unconscious agreement.
How do you build your self esteem?
In a nutshell, to build your self esteem you must strongly connect with what is especially special about you.
Here is your assignment:
- Ask three people who love you the most for help. You want to choose people you love and trust.
- Explain to them that you are working on rebuilding your self esteem and need to see yourself in a new light.
- Get them to make a list of at least 20 positive qualities that they see in you.
- Make your own list. You probably know a few things about yourself that are especially special, even if you have forgotten.
- Once you have even just one list, begin to record your qualities on a smart phone in your own voice. The reason it is optimal to record in your own voice is that you want to program positive messages into your subconscious mind, and the best way to do that is to hear your own voice as we all listen to our own inner voice all day long.
- If you don’t have a smart phone, write down the list and read it out loud.
- Either listen or read your list out loud at least twice a day, preferably first thing in the morning and right before you go to sleep when you are in a semi-conscious state.
Your list could sound something like this:
I AM BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT.
I AM A GOOD FRIEND.
I AM LOVING.
I AM KIND.
I AM A GOOD MOTHER/FATHER/PARENT/BROTHER/SISTER/DAUGHTER/SON.
I AM GOOD AT (NAME A SPECIAL SKILL YOU HAVE).
I AM GENEROUS.
I AM STRONG.
As you or your loved ones compile your list, think of things that you are especially talented at. It could be something that you take for granted that you think anybody could do as well as you do if they just had the time.
Recall the best compliments you have heard about yourself over the years. It could be a message you received from a teacher, a loving relative, a coach – anyone who got to know you even a little bit and saw your inner light.
On an organ level, low self esteem especially affects the functioning of your pancreas, which regulates your blood sugar, and your spleen, your largest lymphatic organ.
It is important that you recognize that the higher your opinion of yourself, the healthier you will most likely be.
I gave this assignment recently with a client who had lymphoma, a cancer that spreads through the lymph system. I wanted her to spread positive messages to her whole body, including the cancer cells, so that she could get well.
I have often given this homework to people looking for work. Radiating confidence is a great way to feel good about yourself when you are trying to explain to others why they should hire you.
The truth is there has never been anyone quite like you. You are a very important person whether you recognize it or not. The more you connect with what is special about you, the more likely you are to discover why exactly it is that you are here on this planet at this point in the overall development of the universe.
When you connect with your life meaning, you will be more likely to feel happy and to connect with the strength you need to do whatever it is that you alone are here to do.
What is healing? Healing happens when you understand your unique place in the universe. If you totally saw yourself in the eyes of God, as loved as you are, your entire experience of life would be transformed.