I have had several people recently ask me how to get over the suicide of a loved one.

In one sense, you may never totally get over the loss of any person you have loved and lost, but there are steps you can take to lessen the trauma.

If you have lost a loved one to suicide, it is my prayer that this article may bring you greater peace.

1. It is statistically true that all of us are going to die sooner or later. People who commit suicide are trying to get out of their bodies in a hurry. This occurs when the suffering they experience exceeds their inner resources for coping.

As a medical intuitive healer, whenever I am working with a client who suffers from depression, I ask him or her to calibrate their level of depression on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being none and 10 being totally unbearable.

I also calibrate the same issue to corroborate for them that another person outside themselves understands the depths of their suffering.

Many people walk around habituated to low levels of depression. It is not uncommon for people to live with a 4,5 or 6 level of depression on a 24/7 basis.

On top of this, many people turn to all manner of addictions to cover up, escape the pain or otherwise redirect their energy without actually letting go of their core issues.

These are your basic alcoholics, drug addicts, food addicts (I often feel that many people who are trying to lose weight would be better off visiting a therapist rather than a nutritionist), workaholics, exercise bulimics, prescription drug abusers etc. etc. etc.

It often appears easier to turn to an outside substance – legal or illegal – than to find a way to let go of the root causes of the pain.

When your level of inner suffering starts approaching 7,8, 9 or 10, what is good about that is that most people begin to reach out for actual help because the pain they are experiencing feels unbearable.

They have exceeded their own inner resources.

This is a moment of true spiritual crisis and if the right resources can be applied where the individual actually feels hope, they may be able to step away from plans to take their own life.

As we gain inner resources to handle life’s challenges, we become spiritually stronger and can expand our personal ability to handle whatever life brings to us.

As we look back at the lives of those whom we have lost to suicide, we need to look with compassion and see that in their own minds that was the only option that would bring relief.

I have worked with many suicidal people and understand that the first thing you have to give them is hope.

2. If you have lost a loved one to suicide, you will need to cut your cords to that person.

When we love another person, we form invisible cords that connect us from our chakras to their chakras.

These cord connections may continue after death.

However, we have to recognize that on a soul level, each of us has free will. If a person has committed suicide, it is because rightly or wrongly they no longer wanted to continue living in this body in this lifetime.

If a person has departed, we need to let go completely so that our own energies may be totally redirected.

Failure to cut our cords to departed loved ones is a major cause of exhaustion and depression that no amount of vitamins, resting, vacations or therapy can alleviate.

If you need help, set up an appointment and I can guide you through the process.

3. If you are genetically related to that person (father, mother, brother, sister, daughter, son), you may question your own tendencies.

You have 50 percent of the DNA of your mother and father, brother, sister, daughter or son.

If you have a family member who has committed suicide, you may want to get help to address A) your own brain chemistry and B) your own thoughts and beliefs about living and dying.

In addition to physical chemistry, we also inherit genomes, which are genetic thought patterns.

Taking the time to heal yourself  will mean that your loved one did not die in vain.

Failure to address these issues – even decades after a suicide – leaves you vulnerable to self questioning whenever your own life becomes challenging.

It is my firm belief and experience that literally any issue – physical, energetic, emotional, mental or spiritual – can be healed. You just have to connect to the right people and the right resources.

4. Surround yourself with love and light.

Whenever we suffer a tremendous loss, we need to reconnect to the beauty and meaning of life.

Take the time to find the pleasure in the quietest moments. Hug everybody. Forgive everybody for everything you ever thought they did wrong to you. Connect to why you are actually here.

I wrote my first book, Healing Depression: A Holistic Guide, for many reasons, not the least of which was the loss of an old friend to suicide. He had tried therapy, antidepressants and electric shock therapy but ultimately gassed himself in his car.

Each of us has to decide that we are worth taking good care of.

Each of us has to wake up to the fact that even our own life has great meaning and value.

If you can’t connect to these truths in this moment, please say a simple prayer:

Dear God,

Please help me connect to the people and resources who can save my life.

Thank you God, Thank you God, Thank you God.