Trying To Fix People Weakens You
“With humility comes the willingness to stop trying to control or change other people or life situations or events ostensibly ‘for their own good’. To be a committed spiritual seeker, it is necessary to relinquish the desire to be ‘right’ or of imaginary value to society. In fact, nobody’s ego or belief systems are of any value to society at all. The world is neither good nor bad nor defective, nor is it in need of help or modification because its appearance is only a projection of one’s own mind. No such world exists. “
Dr. David Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D.
There’s a simple demonstration that I like to do with kinesiology.
I have a person – my test subject – think of someone they care about. It could be their child, their spouse, a good friend. Anybody.
Then I have my test subject worry about that person.
I will then use kinesiology to demonstrate what happens whenever you worry about someone. What you are actually doing when you worry about someone is that you are seeing them as broken, defective, missing a few important pieces. You seem them as needing fixing.
Every time, the test subject will go weak.
So will the person who is being worried about.
If you worry about someone, you not only hurt yourself, you also hurt the person you are worrying about.
You don’t save them. You don’t make their life easier. You don’t solve any problems whatsoever.
I had to learn this a long time ago in my work.
I would run around worrying about everybody. I ran around worrying so much I had problems with my spleen.
And believe me, there could be plenty to worry about even today if that was my inclination.
Fortunately, a fellow kinesiologist showed me what this was doing to my clients and what this was doing to me also.
I got the message. I stopped.
What is the solution?
The best thing to do is to see everybody as being right where they need to be. Maybe not perfect (probably NOT perfect), but most certainly on their spiritual path. Even if on one level the whole thing looks like an impossible train wreck in slow motion, then that is exactly where that person needs to be. I see people as whole, not broken. I can even see them as the macrocosm expressing in the microcosm. “WOW!” A creature of God, amazing in and of themselves, just as if I were glimpsing a unicorn in the forest.
When I see people as whole, my work is easy and it is also easy for other people to make major leaps. They begin to feel not broken but like maybe they are actually on a path that has unique meaning for them. They no longer feel like a train wreck, but maybe like they are having an amazing adventure, like whatever difficulties they thought they had were just an excuse to get themselves in front of me so we could be having this amazing growth experience together. We can even be having great fun while discussing subjects that otherwise might be upsetting or unsettling if handled in a different dimension.
Given this set up, we can actually love each other, in the true meaning of love, which is a way of being in the world. Appreciation, respect, deep understanding. Seeing who we really are.