You know the drill.

You set your New Year’s resolution for some sensible goal – lose weight, save money, manage your stress better, eat healthier food.

But by now – mid-January – you find yourself slipping back into your familiar patterns.

What to do with yourself?

Start by understanding that you, too, are human. All humans get payoffs from their bad habits. When you receive a payoff, that means that the benefits you receive from staying the way you are get in the way of becoming the awesome human being your soul is longing to become.

You can read more in depth about the 25 most common payoffs in my recent Amazon No. 1 best seller, What Is Healing? Awaken Your Intuitive Power for Health and Happiness.

Here are a few payoffs that may be getting in your way right now:

  1. No responsibility.
  2. Avoid suffering.
  3. Avoid rejection.
  4. Get taken care of.
  5. Superiority.
  6. No commitment.
  7. Permission.
  8. Sympathy.
  9. Freedom.
  10. Stay independent.

As a medical intuitive healer, part of my job is to help you see the payoffs you get from staying stuck in your same old rut – especially if those payoffs are keeping you sick, unhappy, poor, unloved or miserable.

This past weekend, I did a medical intuitive reading with a fellow healer who has been experiencing shoulder pain. I encouraged her to feel compassion for herself, as most of us healers feel embarrassed when we – like everybody else  – experience a health issue.

Her self care looks impressive from the outside. Chiropractic. Acupuncture. Body work. All great stuff.

However, nothing is changing.

That’s because she has failed to participate in her own healing. Whenever there is a muscle issue, your muscles actually require your participation.

Her posture still sucks (a common cause of shoulder pain). Even though her body worker has encouraged her to stretch and strengthen those muscles, she can’t seem to find the time. I sat with her over the phone and showed her photos and videos of stretches and exercises on that she could do right now, in her condition, that would begin to move her forward.

When we talked about if, she said, “Oh yeah. My story is that I never wanted to be in the body in the first place.”

By continuing to suffer, she gets to avoid exercising, since even the simplest yoga she used to practice would be permissible.

She gets to stay busy and important and making money, since taking for herself would mean taking time away from her work.

“Can you clear this for me?” she asked.

“Yes,” I responded.

The truth is, however, that the more stuck your pattern, the deeper and bigger and more entrenched your payoffs.

If you have been stuck in a rut, make a list.

What do you get out of staying the way you are?

Here are some ways this may show up for you:

  1. I get to continue to eat whatever I want whenever I want.
  2. I get to continue stuffing or otherwise running away from my emotions.
  3. I get to continue feeling important.
  4. I get to continue ignoring my body.
  5. I get to continue putting money ahead of everything and everyone else.
  6. It’s too expensive to buy healthy food.
  7. I don’t really want to make time to cook healthy.
  8. I might have to get out of bed on time to make it to the gym.
  9. I get to continue pretending that other people can lose weight, be healthy or happy but I am so special nothing works for me!
  10. And so on!

What is healing? Healing happens when we are honest with ourselves and look squarely at the payoffs we receive by staying sick, fat, unhappy or unhealthy. When we are ready to let go of the payoffs, our deeper healing can truly begin.