“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
A couple of weeks ago I did a medical intuitive reading for a professional athlete who had hit a bad slump in his career.
Although he had once been considered one of the greatest in his sport, he had fallen out of the top running.
He was referred by one of my long term clients who felt sure I could make a difference.
When I looked at what was going on, I discovered the root of this sportsman’s demise was his relationship with himself.
If he trained, he had to practice past the point of pain.
Whatever needed to be done had to be overdone.
This included not only his training but also his money and his relationships with women.
There was no listening to his body, no fine tuning, no lifestyle that could be sustained over a period of time without serious injury.
Whips and chains would not have been cruel enough as far as he thought he was concerned.
He had never figured out how to to develop a healthy relationship with himself. As a result, he was not able to continue playing at a professional level but he felt at a loss about what else to do as his sport was the only career he had ever known.
In a word, it all boiled down to abuse, and self abuse of the worst kind.
If you have hit a slump in your own life, career, weight loss efforts, interpersonal relationships, leveled off in the money you think you should be making or otherwise find yourself blocked from going where you really want to go, a good place to start moving forward is by examining your relationship with yourself.
The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship of your life.
All your other relationships – your connection with intimate partners, your interactions with family members, bosses, employees – as well as your relationship with your body, with food and money are all directly based on your relationship with yourself.
If you do not take the time to do the inner work to develop and maintain a healthy relationship with your true, authentic self you can suffer in countless ways.
Here are the six primary dramas that keep you from having a healthy relationship with your true self:
- Poor Me
Before I describe how all these dramas affect you, let me explain what it would mean for you to have a healthy relationship with your true self.
Here is what that looks like:
- You openly display your true, authentic self.
- You accept your personal faults and take action where necessary to address them.
- You basically like who you really are.
- You feel comfortable in your own skin.
- You allow other people to see who you actually are.
- You can admit your weaknesses and maintain a sense of humor about yourself.
- You speak your truth with kindness and respect.
- You keep your word because you understand the power of personal integrity.
- You have a healthy relationship with food, neither overeating or under eating.
- You naturally maintain a healthy body weight.
- You have found a career that feeds your soul as well as your pocketbook.
- You have a healthy relationship with money, neither over spending or under spending.
- You maintain radiant health of mind and body.
- You know when you are tired, stop eating when you are full and get appropriate help when you run into trouble.
- You maintain consistent energy throughout your day.
- You enjoy the physical pleasures of life – eating, sex, vacations – without guilt or remorse.
- You give yourself permission to feel all your feelings including the uncomfortable ones, knowing that it’s safe for you to experience the full range of all your emotions.
- You seldom get bored.
- You remain mentally engaged in your life and work.
- You welcome challenges as opportunities to grow.
- You are able to be “real” with everybody around you, not needing to wear a mask to hide how you feel or what you think.
- You are able to maintain healthy relationships with friends and loved ones.
- You have discovered your soul’s purpose and you are pursuing it.
- You love your life and give thanks for all your blessings.
- You are able to forgive yourself and others easily.
- You recognize that you create your own reality and that if you don’t like something you know you have the power to change it.
- When you fall down you get back up eventually even if you need a little help to do so.
- You seldom stay stuck.
- You have the courage to evolve, knowing that the truth of life is change.
- You have so much love, joy, peace and patience that you have become a light to everyone around you.
Sounds like a tall order perhaps?
Here’s a deeper explanation of the inner dramas holding you back.
Poor Me. When your relationship with yourself is Poor Me:
- You are always talking about how busy and tired you are.
- You feel life has done you wrong.
- You feel other people really have gotten a better deal than you have.
- You search for opportunities to proclaim yourself a victim.
- You are a victim of the government, your mother, father, job, a political party you despise, strangers, diseases, the aging process or any other forces outside yourself you view as more powerful than yourself.
- You tend to give away your power, often without recognizing it.
- You blame other people or outside circumstances for why you are the way you are right now.
- You are absorbed with self pity.
- You never have enough time, money or other resources, especially compared with other people – the lucky ones – who definitely do not include you.
- It’s always somebody else’s fault.
- You have no idea how to be happy.
- You are constantly anxious and depressed.
- You haven’t taken full responsibility for the way you feel.
- Every time you think you’re getting ahead in life there’s another disaster that knocks you back.
- You spend a lot of time every day reflecting on what is wrong with your life.
- Whining is a normal mode of expression for you.
Aloof. When your relationship with yourself is Aloof:
- You don’t really know when you are tired.
- You have no idea what you really need to be happy, healthy or successful.
- You don’t know when you are hungry or full, so you have disordered eating patterns either going for long periods without eating or gorging yourself.
- You don’t understand what’s really bothering you.
- You have to wait until you go to the doctor to receive a horrific diagnosis to admit you haven’t been feeling well.
- You are ungrounded.
- When you hear about this mind-body connection thing you don’t know what that means.
- You float along without connecting to the real meaning of your life.
- You confess to enjoying getting high – after all it’s easier to be anesthetized than to feel how you really feel.
- You don’t think you matter.
- You have given up on your dreams.
- You don’t want to try in case you might fail so it’s easier to pretend that nothing really matters and that your life is meaningless.
- You have to take drugs, legal or illegal, to get through the day.
- You have a hard time showing up on time because you never really know what’s going on.
- Your true feelings are just below the surface but you aren’t able to express them.
- You are disconnected from friends, family and meaningful community.
- You put on a facade rather than let other people know what you think or feel.
- You are bored with your life and career.
- You go through the motions to appear like you’re fitting in but you just don’t care.
- You haven’t discovered your life purpose but then that’s just a load of hooey anyway.
- You can’t go deep in your conversations.
Interrogator. When your relationship with yourself is Interrogator:
- You harshly question everything without coming up with any good answers.
- You think you should have figured everything out already.
- You think you should already know the answers.
- It’s not ok for you to get help because you should know what you’re doing.
- You should yourself to death – you should do this, you should do that.
- Woulda, shoulda coulda – would, should and and could are primary words in your vocabulary.
- You make yourself feel guilty every time you start to enjoy your life.
- You blame yourself for past mistakes, since after all it’s not ok for you to make any.
- You have internalized a harsh parent and think the solution to any problem must be really, really hard.
- You participate in the cult of difficult, the largest cult in the world.
- If you’re not doing something the hard way it probably won’t work.
- You do not trust yourself and therefore are unable to trust anybody else.
- You overthink everything.
- You are convinced something is seriously wrong with you.
- You worry too much especially about whether or not you are doing things the “right way,” whatever that is.
- When you make a mistake you ruminate about how you could have done everything better.
- Even though it may be ok for other people to not be perfect, you wonder why you can’t be.
- Other people tell you that you are too hard on yourself but you don’t agree with them.
Intimidator. When your relationship with yourself is Intimidator:
- You are a bully to yourself.
- If you do anything it has to be the hard way.
- You think all this mind-body stuff won’t work for you.
- Discipline is your middle name.
- If you make a mistake there’s no way you can ever forgive yourself.
- You think that if you just push harder everything will work out ok.
- You over work, over exercise and over do everything.
- You compare yourself to other people who you think are doing more than you – after all there is always someone who can run faster, earn more money, own a bigger house or do better because you’re just not trying hard enough.
- You think you should never be allowed any sugar, alcohol, junk food or other dietary indiscretions.
- You are on a no gluten, no white flour, no processed anything, no carb, no fat, no meat, no food until 3 pm or no food at all several days per week or some other severely restrictive eating plan but even that won’t work because you’re not actually strict enough in your humble opinion.
- You keep a grueling schedule because that’s the only way you think you can succeed.
- You actually believe it’s better to ignore what you really feel and think since the goal is all that matters.
- Never enough is never enough.
- You are certain you are not good enough and never will be.
- Every time you reach one goal you think you should have done better.
- You do not give yourself permission to rest or relax.
- You do not have a sense of humor about your personal failings.
- You’re angry at yourself most of the time.
- You can explode if things don’t go your way as it’s so frustrating having to be perfect all the time.
Child. When your relationship with yourself is Child:
- You prefer when other people are in charge.
- You can’t think for yourself.
- You want other people to tell you what to do.
- Your feelings are easily hurt.
- You are way too sensitive for this big, bad world.
- You think you are too fragile.
- You actually believe you are incapable of figuring things out.
- You go around acting like you are helpless.
- You do not take the time to figure things out.
- When in doubt have a temper tantrum or cry for hours – it’s ok because you are your feelings.
- You live on junk food and other “fun” foods.
- You can’t bother to make your bed or clean up your room because surely someone else will do it for you.
- You do not take responsibility for your thoughts, words or actions.
- You want to run away and hide when anyone talks about hard work or the “D” word, discipline.
- You engage in wishful thinking, wishing your fairy godmother could just wave her magic wand and everything will be ok.
- You give yourself permission to explode, rant, rave, weep, call your friends for hours at a time and wallow in how you feel.
- You actually believe other people are responsible for the way you feel.
- You don’t want anything too hard.
- You run away from challenges because they are probably way too hard for you.
- You have not yet discovered your personal power.
- You have no idea what your soul purpose is – that’s for other more serious people, not you.
- You think your life should be fun and easy and melt down easily if it’s not.
- You have no idea what’s going on with your money as all that stuff is way over your head.
- Money is to be spent and enjoyed, not managed wisely.
- Other people should just give you what you want because after all you are so cute and adorable.
- You are incapable of having adult to adult relationships.
Saboteur.When your relationship with yourself is Saboteur:
- Every time you start to get ahead you find a way to mess things up.
- You are psychologically reversed about success – that means part of you wants to be successful and part of you doesn’t.
- If you start a diet you can’t keep one going for more than a few days.
- If you start an exercise program you find a way to injure yourself or get so busy you can’t continue.
- You don’t show up to the people and appointments who can actually help you.
- You tend to find the people and situations who will derail your career, steal your money, stomp your heart out and make you miserable.
- You have the word “Sucker” written in invisible ink on your forehead so other people instinctively know they can take advantage of you.
- You do not take care of your money, personal possessions or opportunities.
- You are actually afraid of success.
- You think that if you actually got ahead someone else would take it away from you because you manage to destroy everything good anyway.
- You over spend, over eat, tell your boss where to go and how far and alienate all the good people around you.
- If someone gives you a break you always find a way to blow it.
- If you win the lottery in a couple of years you find yourself bankrupt.
- You are comfortable in a chronic state of failure.
- You find a way to destroy relationships with people who actually care about you.
- You allow your shadow to rule your life and therefore mostly play with the nasty side of other people’s egos.
- You don’t trust life because you can’t trust yourself.
So how do you go about unwinding these patterns?
In my work as a medical intuitive healer, I not only identify the primary dramas that have been holding you back I also do healing work to clear your issues.
If you have an unhealthy relationship with yourself, realize that this is a survival role you learned most likely in childhood.
You may have even learned these patterns from your mother or father. These attitudes affect not only your relationship with yourself but how you do or do not take care of your body, your money, your career and how you treat everybody around you.
When you transform the way you treat yourself, literally every other aspect of your life can improve for the better.
What is healing? Healing happens when you release the old dramas that have held you back and do the inner work to form a healthy relationship with your true authentic self.
To set up an appointment, email firstname.lastname@example.org or call 678-612-8816. I can work with you from anywhere in the world by phone, Skype or Zoom video conference.
Wonderful, on the idea of having the authentic power to have a healthy relationship with oneself. Thanks for being so comprehensive.
Dear Portia, Thank you so much for reading my blog! As we do the inner work to embrace our true selves we discover our personal power and find it easier to fulfill our soul purpose. Sending you love and light! Catherine Carrigan